Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hurricane Update

Hurricane Tracking

Hurricane Wind

Hurricane Ham

Hurricane Harvest

Hurricane Trivia

Hurricane Approaching

Bonus Hurricane Trivia Question:  What does a polyorchid man have at least 3 of?  (At least 3?  As in he could have more?  Yikes!)

False Alarm

About a 1/2 hour ago, while vacuuming, the power went out.  Already?

Oh Noze!
We panicked briefly, then we realized that we had so much plugged into that part of the house the breaker tripped.  Phew.

The spawn and his friend quickly decided to choose some board games for when the power actually does go out.  Would it be wrong to teach them  how to play quarters?

Meanwhile, they continue to kill Zombies while Irene is closing in.  At least they are keeping us safe from the brain suckers.

Holy Crap this storm is ginormous.
 We had our first casualty in Command Central.  Ted dropped a mirrored coaster.

Man down.

The GrowDammit Hurricane Command Center

Let's hope it doesn't flood...

Facebook.  The reliable source for all storm related news.

The bog garden is safe.
Looters beware...

We have a mini-bat and an axe handle.

And a Dragon with glowing eyes.

This mustard is indeed Hot...


or a failure to check the weather forecast.

I think I'd at least bring the sound system in.

Stay tuned.  This is only the first in a series of GrowDammit Hurricane Chronicles.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Farmer Ted keeps a heart in a jar...

...on the Kitchen counter no less.
I'm just kidding, it's not really a heart in a jar.  The first time I saw it out of the corner of my eye that's what I thought it was.  I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that Ted actually having a heart in a jar of formaldehyde wouldn't surprise me at all.  I would appreciate if he kept something like that in the Lair instead of my Kitchen though.

Next...Hurricane Irene

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Dear Steve Jobs,

I hope that you didn't resign over my last Facebook rant about every Apple product I buy being a piece of shit.  Yes, I was pissed because my 3G phone never did work properly.  I'm getting over the fact that the 3GS, while not the "best thing that's ever happened to me" like the Salesman promised, does get better cell phone coverage.  I am disgruntled that I had to downgrade in memory to not pay an arm and a leg.  The Macbook issues are more than likely not your fault.  I'll admit that I haven't really taken the time to learn how to work the damn thing.  I still don't find it very user friendly, but maybe in time that will change.  Quitting over all of this is a bit rash don't you think?

Sheepish Regards,
a Wannabe Farmer

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I'm All Shook Up

I just realized we (I) drank the last bottle of Spicy Blenheim's Ginger Ale from the case we brought home with us from Charleston.

This is all that is left.
At least we won't be running out of Duke's...

We originally questioned our decision to bring home an entire gallon.

Oh, and for all of our blog followers around the globe...the East Coast of the United States had an earthquake today.  This is a novelty for us.  Those West Coast sinners usually are the people who are warned to walk the straight and narrow by the powers that be.  They actually scoffed at our pitiful 5.9 magnitude.

Whatever.  It's pretty freaky for those of us who have never experienced tectonic plate movement.  I was sitting at work doing some research, and it was right after lunch so I had something of a food coma going on.  My eyes were heavy.  All of the sudden the screen started to move.  My first thought (since I've never actually fainted) was, "Is this what it's like to black out?"  And then I looked up, and realized the building was moving.  I jumped out of my chair and yelled, "Holy Shit are we having an earthquake?"  My boss yelled back, "Thank God.  I was waiting for you to react before I convinced myself I wasn't hallucinating."

It was CRAZY.  I don't know how you West Coast people deal with the wrath of God so often.  Freaky.  Now to add insult to injury, Hurricane Irene is bearing down on the Eastern Seaboard.  Let's hope that isn't a clusterfuck.  I hope the Holy City went to church last Sunday, as this one is headed right for Chucktown.

No worries here...the GrowDammit garden is okay.  The Jag however is not.  Go figure, the Day I turn in my leased car...the car I planned on driving crapped out.

Farmer Ted has his mechanic hat on.  If he can't fix it by tomorrow, then the Wannabe's wish for a used pickup truck may be granted sooner than later.

Next...I'm hesitant to want for more excitement.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Yo Llama

For being sculpture in an NYC kid's playground, these llamas sure look pissed...

Little does the youngest spawn know, the concrete variety don't like it when you perch on one of their own.
Did he make it out alive?  Or do I have one less mouth to feed?

On the bright side, this begs for a whole knew comedic genre of Yo Llama jokes.  Give us your best blog followers.

Next...New poll coming.  Murphy's Law put a huge dent in our plans today.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Trip Highlights, The Finale

We made it to Gettysburg, despite Sybil, and did the Auto Tour.

Robert E. Lee

The SC Memorial

The PA Memorial

The Kentucky Memorial

Mean Gene was there.

Notice the advertised "Period Fare," because back in the days of the Civil War they ate



Garden Stuff like Chickens

Historic Downtown Gettysburg was disappointing.  All of the restaurants had the same menus, and it's one tchotchke shop after another with plenty of Ghost Tour places thrown in.  I'd recommend skipping it.   The town, not the auto tour.

And that was it in a nutshell.

In GrowDammit News...

I ended up with a new iPhone 3GS.  Let's hope it's less of a piece of shit than the last one.  I don't know what I did to piss off Steve Jobs, but that thing never acted right.

A new poll is up in the Herb Smackdown.

None of our blog fans like birthday cake.

The Dragon is napping.

Next...Who knows.  Stay tuned because I'm sure we can come up with something.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Meet Bubba

The Birthday Lobster
The youngest spawn wanted to keep him for a pet.  Get him a leash and walk him around.  Get him a friend and have races around the dining room table.  The Dragon was concerned, yet dismissive...

Farmer Ted had other plans for Bubba...

Ted's Seafood Platter
Lobster, tortilla tilapia, crabcake, blackened scallops and shrimp with mango salsa.  No birthday supper would be complete without...

GrowDammit Tomato Salad

After the youngest spawn heard about our adventures with the Batmobile, he created his own villian...

The Claw

The eldest spawn, sadly, was absent.  He has twice a day 3 hour training sessions for his high school soccer team.  Oh well, more seafoody goodness for us.

Finally, a GrowDammit Birthday Harvest...

Next...Trip Highlights Part 3.  Oh, and there's a new special edition Birthday Poll up for a limited time.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Trip Highlights Part 2

The Andy Warhol Museum is “Very Cool.” Hey, we heard that term so much from Roadshow Experts and the attendees around us it wore off. Actually, the museum is not big but it is interesting. I know him more from his iconic pop art and silk screenings. I didn’t know he was a prolific film artist.

Our favorite room was this…

pictures currently being held hostage on piece of shit iPhone

Full of helium filled mylar balloons in the shape of big silver pillows and a bunch of fans blowing them around. The unintended downfall of this room is that there is a sort of closet in the back of the room where the pillows tended to congregate. A lot of people walked into this room and only saw a couple of balloons floating around and left. Ted and I promptly went to the back and encouraged the balloons to come out of the closet. We were grabbing them and throwing them at people in the room. It was an interactive exhibit after all. Walking into this room with 20 pillows floating versus only 2 made a huge difference. People were delighted. We made it such a hit that the docent didn’t even mind when we blatantly ignored the “no photographs whatsoever” rule. Hey, I figured we weren’t photographing any of the actual art…just a conceptual piece that was meant to be enjoyed by all.  Too bad it can't be enjoyed by our blog followers right now.

We also had fun hanging out in bars all day while the entire dowtown of the city was being held hostage by...

The Batmobile
The people who live in Pittsburgh are over it.  Everytime we were delayed by filming, we just hung out in the closest bar to wait it out.  We took some video, but we really shouldn't drink and film so I'll leave the award winning documentary stuff we shot off the blog.

The next morning we decided we had seen all of Pittsburgh that there is to see, so we left. They say taking the Road Less Traveled is rewarding, we decided to take the Road Less Expensive. Coming to Pitt, we took the PA Turnpike…a straight shot. We were treated to a toll of $20.25. The quarter was to add insult to injury. I have a rant that I’ll save for a later date about the tolls on the turnpike paying for the $150,000 annual salaries of 7 Turnpike Commissioners “necessary” to making essential decisions about the turnpike and paying for their river view offices at the state of the art Turnpike Commission Building. Not to mention all the perks that they must have as state employees. There are constantly cones, barrels and signs indicating a work area is ahead. There is no actual work ever going on.

We set Sybil on a destination home avoiding highways and tolls. We had prior knowledge despite Sybil that when we got on Route 30 East, we were staying on Route 30 East. You know what they say about the best laid plans.  Our intelligence gathering told us that we couldn't completely avoid tolls and highways.

First off, setting Sybil with the above avoidances and promptly ignoring her, meant she directed us immediately through the ghetto.  We weren't just through a main street in the ghetto.  Oh no, no, no.  Sybil had us down in alleys and shit. I must say, the early morning ghetto experience is delightful. I know, Right? Whatever. What is now the wrong side of the tracks usually ends up with some incredibly beautiful buildings and architecture because it was more than likely once "the place to live."  A lot of these neighborhoods, like Harlem, are now becoming fashionable again. You see some incredible art whether it be sculpture or parks or wonderful architectural elements on a building in a long neglected area or graffiti and murals on the side of a building. You see some interesting people. And different from a normal city setting, you see people interacting rather than just walking to the next place they need to be. Anyway, we always find ourselves leaving a city this way due to the irrational GPS.

We did not see FallingWater. Upon further online research about itinerary yesterday, I discovered that I misread the rules. I thought they only required online reservations for group tours. It turns out folks, if you want to tour a Frank Lloyd Wright house you need to have reserved regular tickets online. Bummed, but happily I realized that before we drove there expecting admission. We’ll do it next time.

What we did do was further piss off Sybil by taking a side trip to Gettysburg. Wow, she really paid us back for THAT.

Next...Thanks for directing me into a parking lot Sybil, but I can't turn right and drive through a damn building.  The Wannabes see Gettysburg.  And I think the poll is done for this week, so we'll get a new one going up.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Trip Highlights Part 1

Yesterday on our way to Pittsburgh, we saw:

  • a tank gassing up at a Sunoco
  • a monk gassing up at a different Sunoco
  • a chick with a mustache thicker than Ted's in a bar.

No pics taken b/c Ted was driving and I was carsick.  I never get carsick.  Weird.

Also of interest, the dude we met in the hotel bar last night first tried to talk us into participating in some kind of pyramid scheme, then approached Ted inquiring if we would be interested in a threesome.  We have nicknamed him Freaky McGee.  And Ted politely declined.

Today at the Antiques Roadshow we learned that our Japanese Cloisonne Process Vases and Kit weren't worth much but were "Very Cool."

  We learned that our tusks are indeed ivory and not wood, from an elephant and not a walrus, and would cost us more to replace them than we could sell them for?

We learned not very much about this:

We know it's a walrus mandible, the metal is what they call "white metal," and it is probably Inuit art.  They have no idea why someone would do this to a jawbone.  Again "Very Cool," but apparently not cool enough to put us on TV.

The lady who appraised our Pennsylvania Railroad Sign which is porcelain and again "Very Cool" asked us where we stole it.

Ted shirt was really a highlight for the male Roadshow Volunteers...

"Nice Pineapples"
We didn't meet or even see Mark Wahlburg, despite my best stalking efforts.

Very fun day, but our stuff despite all of its inherent coolness isn't going to make us rich and famous.  For the record, we aren't looking to sell anything but wanted to make sure we didn't need to further insure anything.  All of this stuff belongs to my kids.

Next...Lookout Andy Warhol, here we come.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Flirt Alert

This is the name of the nail polish color that is now on my toes.  I call it purple, dark purple to be exact.  Or deep purple if you want to be deep.  Some other shades I considered before settling on Flirt Alert were Tart Deco (too pink), I'm Not Really a Waitress (too red) and I'm Not Really a Whore (too whorish).  Gone are the days of 4300896 or Bubble Gum Pink.  I blame Crayola really for inciting this madness when they decided that orange is not orange, rather it is Macaroni and Cheese.  I wonder if it's actually somebody's job title to be "Nail Polish Namer."  What do you think they make a year?  Perhaps they've got a random name generator similar to "What's Your Pirate Name" or "What's Your Stripper Name."  I can't remember my pirate name, but I think my stripper name had Tassles somewhere in it.

Anyway, my toenails are now purple and ready to hit the road tomorrow.  For now, I think I'll go down and flirt with Ted in the Lair.  He's feeling much better today.  To be fair, he never complained or whined about being in pain Anonymous.  Thanks for the tip about the tape though.  I wonder if it will work to keep the rabbits out of the garden.  Ted said that 4 of them were having a grand ol' time frolicking in the yard this afternoon.  It's a shame that the mandibles with wings currently attacking me right now don't seem to affect them.  The Dragon of course was unconcerned.  Not much interrupts his daily nap in the A/C.

Next...Packing.  What does one wear to the Antiques Road Show?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Hummingbird Wars

We've had daily sightings of a hummingbird at the perennial garden, which is really cool.  However, I've read accounts where blog friends have witnessed hummingbird fights between males competing for territory.  In an effort to encourage a Hummingbird UFC at our house, we bought a cute little hummingbird feeder.  The only fighting over it that has ensued thus far has been the Wannabes vs. the Sugar Ants.

We won that battle.   The battle over the figs is still underway.

Where are the hordes of hummingbirds?  Driving back and forth to work, I've noticed quite a few new feeders cropping up in the yards of our neighbors.  Clearly we need to find a niche that will entice the hummers to visit the GrowDammit feeder.

Sitting out on the back deck one night, we discussed options.  Sugar water is only appealing until the ants show up.  What if we mix it up and add a little Red Bull?  Vodka?  The Hummingbird Martini possibilities are endless.  Do you really want to see a hummingbird hopped up on caffiene?  Can a drunk hummingbird hover?  What will it do to the ants?  Have we accidently discovered a weapon to win the war for the fig tree?

Relax PETA, we're not lighting up Thumper's ass with a paintball gun and we're not conducting experiments on our feathered friends.  These are just conversations on the back deck.  So far.

Next...Blog Road Trip to Pittsburgh. Will Farmer Ted ever pass this kidney stone?  He's seriously in pain. :(

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Fennel vs. Bay Leaves

Get out the vote!

Cilantro just barely edged out Curry, and no Mannie it does not taste like soap.  It's my favorite herb, but for the life of me I can't get it to grow in the garden.  It starts out strong, but bolts and flowers immediately.

And now completely random GrowDammit garden pics that we haven't posted for some reason...

Next...Scientific Method.