Thursday, August 11, 2011

Flirt Alert

This is the name of the nail polish color that is now on my toes.  I call it purple, dark purple to be exact.  Or deep purple if you want to be deep.  Some other shades I considered before settling on Flirt Alert were Tart Deco (too pink), I'm Not Really a Waitress (too red) and I'm Not Really a Whore (too whorish).  Gone are the days of 4300896 or Bubble Gum Pink.  I blame Crayola really for inciting this madness when they decided that orange is not orange, rather it is Macaroni and Cheese.  I wonder if it's actually somebody's job title to be "Nail Polish Namer."  What do you think they make a year?  Perhaps they've got a random name generator similar to "What's Your Pirate Name" or "What's Your Stripper Name."  I can't remember my pirate name, but I think my stripper name had Tassles somewhere in it.

Anyway, my toenails are now purple and ready to hit the road tomorrow.  For now, I think I'll go down and flirt with Ted in the Lair.  He's feeling much better today.  To be fair, he never complained or whined about being in pain Anonymous.  Thanks for the tip about the tape though.  I wonder if it will work to keep the rabbits out of the garden.  Ted said that 4 of them were having a grand ol' time frolicking in the yard this afternoon.  It's a shame that the mandibles with wings currently attacking me right now don't seem to affect them.  The Dragon of course was unconcerned.  Not much interrupts his daily nap in the A/C.

Next...Packing.  What does one wear to the Antiques Road Show?

14 comments:

  1. I thought you were going to wear assless chaps?

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  2. And tassels.... And a Big 'ol mandible. That's what I'm gonna wear. Tassels and ass chaps...

    Goodbye kidney stone! Lemme see... What else...
    Oh! Farmer Chele gave me a slammin' haircut. (Other than that) That's news from the front....... Her toenails look more "black" to me... Than anything... Call them whatever cutsey name you want.... The fuckers look black.

    But she's still hot!....(As shit!)

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  3. Wonder what they call "Pearl White" nail polish these days? I have a few suggestions...

    -Mannie

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  4. LMAO @ Mannie. Now that you bring it up.... I can think of a "Load" of names.... We could be the Lennon/McCartney of raunchiness.

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  5. What are you taking to the Antiques Road Show to get appraised?? Glad the kidney stones are gone! -Anna

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  6. Don't quit your day job Mannie. Beach Black has you beat with Jizz...

    http://needsupply.com/womens/new-items/jizz-nailpaint.html

    It is brought to us by Kristin, who was inspired by

    Wait For It



















    Her hair color. Nice.

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  7. I'm taking a load of Jizz... (See....Mannie and I were try to be all "Gentlemanly...") But seeing as how Farmer Chele just Blabs out the word "Jizz..." I guess that it's alright Mannie.

    Who in the Mother Fuck.... Would have a hair color called "Jizz?" She sounds like she was in the center of a circle Jerk.

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  8. I was thinking something along the lines of "Good Hand Job White", but I guess just coming out with it like that does the trick.

    (SeewhatIdidthere)
    -Mannie

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  9. Then again, saying "Good Hand Job White" is a mouthful. "Jizz" just rolls off the tongue-

    See, now we're getting somewhere.

    -Mannie

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  10. A friend of ours commented on facebook that when she saw the word "Jizz" that she had to spit out her coffee. I told her that she was just giving us ammo with THAT one... Hearing "Spit" and "Jizz" in the same sentence? (It makes me sad, Mannie...It makes me sad.)

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