Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Plant Whisperer

We thought our garden was boss.  We even trash talked our friend's co-op garden at Brookberry Farm.  This past weekend, we got our greenthumbs handed to us along with our asses.  By none other than Martha, the Plant Whisperer...aka, my Mom.  Martha and Bob live in the upstate of SC, and we stayed with them during our latest travels.  When Bob says, "she can put a stick in some dirt and it will grow," he's not exaggerating.

She's got veggies (it would be easier to tell you what she doesn't have, which is not much)...

...flowers & herbs



...strawberries growing under grapes with figs behind...



...blackberries so thick she ties the stalks together just to be able to harvest them...


...cherries (somewhere back in here.)

She even schools us in yard art.

 She did send us home with enough plants to add to our fig and apple, so we may have our own orchard.  And enough homemade jams and jellies to keep the spawn happy for the next year.

Yeah, we've pretty much been told.

Next.  The eldest spawn has demanded a new poll.  We may humor him and make him choose between two of his absolute favorites tomorrow.  Like my spawn eat vegetables.


  1. I am exhausted looking at her garden! WOW!! Totally jealous of her blueberries, too. One of my two plants died last year, and I couldn't get a new one soon enough this year to get them to produce. :(

  2. She seriously has probably 10 blueberry bushes that she's grown from cuttings she's taken from others. Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe it. She not only makes homemade jellies/jams/pickled veggies/relishes to sell at a farmer's market, she makes pies. Local boutiques sell her jewelry. Local garden stores sell her stepping stones and coasters. AND she works as a catering manager for Clemson University, while managing the boxes at football games for several of the Trustees.


  4. Yeah... You read it right. C-L-E-M-S-O-N. (My team!)

    So as you can see... I wasn't lying when I said that we've been put to shame. The crazy part is... You ask her "Where'd you find THIS?" And usually it ends up... "Oh... I found that in the woods , so I dug it up." I was gonna ask what the Hell's she doing in the woods all that time but I figured that some things are better left unsaid. I guess that we should be hanging out in the woods more often.

    I'm going to take a moment to say that... "I fuckin' hate Dandelions." Now that's outta the way.

    So I just heard our neighbor do his morning "Shout out." Every morning... This guy yells at the top of his lungs at 5:20. "AAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!" Farmer Chele says that I should open the window and yell back; Or better yet... Raise the window and start yelling at 5:19. (Beat him to the punch.) It's some of the craziest shit. I don't get it.

    We had another night out on the deck. It was suppose to rain but never did; Calling for strong winds... Hail... Shit like that. The youngest spawn was all in a tizzy that the stepping stones that his Grandmother gave us would get destroyed by the hail so he gathered them all up and brought them inside. We tried to tell him that they'd be okay but once he gets his mind set on something... We just let him roll with it.

  5. Mom = simply amazing. Old School results mixed with this and that PLUS yard art AND all the "other"? She should do tours! Seriously!
    Now, Farmer Ted...don't feel too bad. She has had many years to learn her craft and she has a primo location that's a wee bit ahead of you weather-wise. So, cut yourself some slack and remember, there is more in DNA than just eye color!
    The big question is, WHERE DOES SHE FIND THE TIME?

  6. RETRACTION/CORRECTION...I wrote the above but just realized that it was Michelle's Mom! Sorry...and you ARE screwed Ted. No DNA for you. Listen to your wife :-)

  7. Wife? Uh, Ted. Is there something you need to tell me?

  8. Ooooooh.... See. There's another mistake. (We're not married.) Not getting married.... and not having any more kids. The last time that I listened to my "wife" was in divorce court. I'm not talking shit about my ex because she's actually pretty cool.... We'll just say that getting married would be the first step towards a divorce. (So we'll just shack up until then.)

    But she is hot as shit. (Just had to throw that in.)