Sybil the Schizophrenic GPS

We have a Garmin.  Once upon a time, it was very reliable.  I'm not sure what horrible trauma it endured last summer, but lately instead of directions "where to" we've been getting "how can I take you around your ass to get to your elbow today."  It never takes us the same place the same way twice.

My theory centers around the last software update.  When Ted was planning to drive up here with a buddy and visit with us for a couple of weeks (yes, he's still here), I lent them the GPS.  I don't know what they did to it, but they found themselves arriving at their destination (my house) while crossing an overpass in Baltimore on I95.  Since I live in a house in PA, and not in a box under the highway, we figured something went horribly wrong.  When they got here, I figured since I'd never done any kind of update we were due. I plugged her in, updated the software.  Here's where I think they put the whammy on poor Sybil.  They asked if I'd like to purchase updated maps.  I said no.  I mean, the places she had taken me before hadn't changed and if it were somewhere with an update I always had my iPhone.  Why pay?  It asked if I were sure, and I was.  And the update completed.  Since then, I never know which personality I will get.  Will it be the one that diligently takes me to my destination with no glitches?  Will it be the one who keeps me off the highway, even though that setting has not been chosen?  Will it try to put me on a toll road, when I've asked it to steer clear of those?  Will it end me up on a dirt road in the middle of a cornfield?  It's gotten to the point, where I'm afraid to make a turn on a dark back road.

Just yesterday, we were driving home from the female spawn's graduation weekend.  Congrats lady spawn!  We are very proud, and your party was lovely.  So, we were rolling North on I85 when we see "Accident Ahead, Interstate Closed ahead"  notifications.  We got off the highway in Spartanburg to see if we could get to I77 in Charlotte using back roads.  I was trying different apps on my phone, while we just kept trying to head in a northeast direction.  Sybil, clearly having had some time to strongarm my phone, won in the end and we ended up back on 85.  We decided to pull off (as luck has it, right before the road closure and detour), and stop somewhere to get some food and give the damn phone time to actually work and stop crashing.  I'll let Ted kvetch about how Sybil managed to get us to the only county in SC that doesn't allow Sunday sales of beer.  We noticed that the traffic was being detoured onto one route to get back on I85 past the accident and knew we'd be stuck in that mess for hours.  Having left Sybil in the car, we finally got the phone's map app to work and found another way.  Back in the car and zipping along, laughing at all the poor shmo's who weren't as smart as us.  We managed to only add about 45 minutes to our travel time, and this included a stop for nosh.  Take that Sybil.  Onward and upward.

Little did we know, but Sybil was biding her time.  We got back on I85, hit I77 and then caught I81 up through the Shenandoah.  A beautiful drive.  Now, I usually get off of I81 on the PA Turnpike East all the way home.  Sybil was suggesting a different route.  She wanted us to take I66, and she didn't indicate it would take any longer than it should have.  No toll, no brainer.  Ha.  I66 dumps you into Washington DC.  I66 is having road construction.  I66 does not put you directly on I95 (which was my only concern, but since it didn't I took it). I66 does put you on I495 around DC and THEN onto I95.  *grrrr*  No toll? Ha.  I ended up paying 75 cents more in tolls on I95 than I would've on the turnpike, and I ended up with much more stress and aggravation.  We ended up home after 14 hours at midnight.

Sybil -1; The Wannabes-0.

Next...Martha, the Plant Whisperer.  The Growdammit Orchard.  And other fun stuff.