Monday, March 28, 2011

Be careful what you wish for...

Since it was once again too cold to garden, Ted took the hint and attacked the ceiling in the upstairs hallway.  LMAO

This ceiling has been a royal pain in the ass.  Paint was peeling everywhere because of the really crappy patch job the previous owners of the house did on it.  He's sanded, spackled, sanded some more and couldn't get the ceiling even.  So, he has an idea.  When he worked on his sister's house, she had that popcorn ceiling that for some ungodly reason was popular back in the 80s.  All he had to do was wet down the ceiling and scrape the popcorn off to get a nice even ceiling.  His plan was to do that in this case.  Ummm, did the can explode?  The eldest spawn said, "Maybe she won't notice."  Won't notice?  LOL.  Even Rufus Dragon knows better than that.

Every now and then, FedEx delivers a package to my house that is really for a neighbor who lives on a street with a similar name.  Instead of calling FedEx, I just deliver the package myself to the neighbor.  One day, I was leaving to pick up the youngest spawn from preschool and there was a package on my doorstep.  Since I was running late, I just pulled the box inside and left it under the table in the front hall until later.  When I got home and opened the front door, Rufus took off out the front door like a rocket.  What the hell?  He's usually jumping all over you for attention when you get home.  Even if you're gone for 5 minutes.  He's shameless that way.  I walked in and immediately see a trail all the way through the house to the Kitchen in the back of the house of shredded box, packing peanuts, ripped open plastic wrap and...parmesan cheese?  That dog had torn into the better part of a 5 lb. block of parmesan cheese.  Block?  Too be honest, it could've started out as a wheel but now looked like a whittled down Rock of Gibralter.  Rufus vs. the Parmesan Cheese.  I should've gotten a picture.  Who mails parmesan cheese?  Who needs a delivery of 5 pounds of it?

Next...It looks like they took the words "wintry mix" out of the forecast, so maybe we'll actually have some planting going on tomorrow.  Ted can leave the hall mess until later this week when we're supposed to have 3 days of never ending rain. (hint, hint)


  1. Rufus....Rufus....Rufus. So this weekend, the neighborhood kids are having a sleepover here with the youngest spawn (As usual) and they wanted pizza. So they're playing video games and shit and the next thing ya know... They're outside playing; So here comes Rufus.... I come walking down the stairs to close the storm door and got bum rushed by a wiener dog with a piece of pizza hanging outta his mouth. (Upside downwards.) This fuckin' dog shot past me... and was out the door so fucking fast, the only thing that I saw was a vapor trail. Rufus Dragon.... They say that the dog is a Man's best friend and I'm gonna have to agree with that one. That guy keeps me entertained all day long. When a wiener dog runs... It sorta runs and hops at the same time. Chele dressed him up in a Zorro costume one year for Halloween, I'll see if she can't dig up the pic.

    So.... Here's how the ceiling fiasco went down. I laid out the painter's tarp on the floor, got the can of "Fix a ceiling" stuff, read the directions, pulled the plug on that shit and let it fly! (This is when the whole thing turned into the proverbial "BUCKET OF FUCK!") This can of bullshit went EVERYWHERE! All in my beard... all over my face... All over the ceiling (Which was cool)and it also went all over the newly painted... RED WALL. Excuse me.. Walls. All of this shit happened within a 3 or 4 second period.

    You remember how Donald Duck would get whenever he was shittin'? Yeah. That was me. I figured that I could get a rag with some hot water and wipe it off? Bad move. Now the shit's all smeared (and dried.) Man... What a mess. Oh well. That's the way that it goes, I suppose. I WILL say this.... That fuckin' ceiling is gonna be pristine whenever I'm done with it. Bank on THAT shit.

    I'm throwing some peas in the ground tomorrow come Hell or high water. The weather is so damn crazy here. One day... I'm out in the yard getting the beds ready for planting... The next day... I'm making fuckin' snow angels. Tomorrow's the big day. GROWDAMMIT!

  2. I don't know what made me laugh more this morning. First, there was the visual of Rufus Dragon not only with his wheel of parm, but also with the pizza hanging out of his mouth. Then, I got to the part where Farmer Ted was covered head to toe with ceiling crap. OMG, this is better than Animal Planet and HGTV all rolled into one!