Friday, September 23, 2011

Insomnia wins, or why you should never wear your bathrobe outside of your house unless...

you are collecting your newspaper.  It is never acceptable. Never.

Not even if you are in your car going through a drive-thru.

I had to go to Dunkin Donuts this morning to get muffins and coffee (notice no part of a donut was purchased) for a Board Meeting. Yes, I am a jack-of-all trades at my office, and no they don't like donuts. Take Note Y’all for Job Security: Always make yourself Necessary, so when the Owner of the company accosts you when you walk in about nosh for the Board Meeting you have it covered and he says, “What did we ever do without you?” This makes me AND my VP boss look awesome. Hey, we are a startup. I’d clean toilets if I had to.  She calls me her Gatekeeper.  I figure that translates into Necessary.

Anyway, I was in line at the DD. And this chick in front of me was in her purple terrycloth bathrobe. Her BATHROBE. With brownish leggings and black flats underneath. Her hair was thrown together in a careless bun, and she was youngerish bordering on college student aged. But she was still wearing her bathrobe like it was a coat. I thought, maybe she's a model going on a shoot AND THEN I saw her profile.  So, I figured, Hey she’s homeless and I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. And then she climbed into her Escalade. And my heart sank for the future of our country.

Don’t get me started about the grown man we saw in town the other day. In his black flannel pajama pants with huge neon planets all over them. I can only pray that Pluto was included because I don’t care what the so-called scientists say, Pluto is a motherfucking planet. If it isn’t, my whole education is null and void.  Unacceptable.

Next...Why can't I sleep?  Why?


  1. Pluto's a planet as far as I'm concerned. I forget what all the "Hoo Ha" was about and why Pluto's not considered a planet but...Oh well....

    Going into public wearing a fuckin' bathrobe. YET AGAIN... Another fine example of "Look at me" "Look at me." What is it with people these days? Who knows. (And for that matter... Who fuckin' cares?) People are crazy.

    I'm with Farmer Chele on the work ethic thing; This I know for sure.... In today's economy? (You're lucky to even HAVE a job.) I'll tell ya what burns me up...Hearing ... "That's not my job!" Well yeah... No shit... More than likely.. It's NOT their job but just fuckin' do it anyways. No... I take it back. As an employee (Team member) whatever they call it these days... It's your job to make your team successful... No matter what it is. (Cleaning toilets included.) I've done it before... If that's what it takes for the kids having clothes on their backs and food in their mouths? Damn straight.

  2. Don't forget about the folks that wear the HUGE fuzzy slippers in public, like they are shoes.....really? Since when does it seem okay to wear a tweety bird on each foot.... When these folks are grown ups? I know my children wouldn't be caught dead outside the house in slippers.....and they are kids. Yikes!

  3. I will admit to wearing my Mickey Mouse feet slippers to the busstop. Which was in front of my house. *hanging my head in shame*

    Seriously, I remember when my grandparents travelled. My grandfather wore a suit. My grandmother wore her Sunday finest complete with a little pillbox hat, gloves and nylons. They are probably spinning in their graves.

  4. And what kills me is.... People look at me like I'm crazy when they find out that I don't wear underwear! (Haters!)

  5. My grandmother did the hat and gloves thing, too. To the grocery store! Or whatever local errand she happened to be taking on that day.

    I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "AW, LET PLUTO BE A PLANET!", like the kids on the playground stole his ball, or something. Cutting Pluto from the team is an outrage and a slippery slope - what's next, kicking Neptune to the curb? Why, if that ever happened, we'd be stuck with Uranus in the end....

    ha ha ha


  6. Tink.... Please don't allow Uranus to be the "Butt" of any jokes.