Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Lair

I'm not quite sure how a night hanging out in Ted's Lair won out over the first deck night possible since the heat dome descended over the Northeast, but here I am.  Sitting in my basement?

This is my basement?
  How does this happen?

Even the Dragon is affected...

I blame the Home Depot.

New Toy

Oh, wait.  Sorry, I blame...

Pure Animal Magnetism

Next...Varmint control.  Whatever was chowing down on the ripe tomatoes is moving on to the starting to ripen tomatoes.  We declare war.  Farmer Ted has a plan involving a battery charger and a fence.  Don't worry all you varmint lovers, it will be low voltage.  And better than a pellet gun.


  1. Personally, I think the 'lair' needs a woman's touch Michelle! That will teach Ted. I'm a bit worried about the battery charger and fence thing, don't touch it. On the other hand, Ted will be the one to forget and touch the damn thing and get shocked. I remember when my Dad this to our garden when we were little to keep out rabbits and raccoons....he found it absolutely hilarious when we touched the damn fence after he told us it was off. Guess that explains what the hell is wrong with my brain. Those things shock! R:)

  2. Sorry Ted, forgot to sign my name above! Rainie....guess I'm starting to show my age...damn! Either that, or Elizabeth has driven me totally over the edge! LOL

  3. Oh my don't fry poor Thumper!!! =0o

    When I had a big garden I always planted marigolds around the edge,never had trouble with bunnies.I also remember putting glass jars..like canning size... filled with water around the perimeter too...the rabbits see their reflection and it scares them or something to that effect!

    I think your basement looks great but I believe I would prefer the patio if it was cool outside!!! =0)

  4. meesh,
    urine around the perimeter.... something for the boys to do!

  5. I am telling you people, something larger than rabbits are getting the tomatoes. These are the beefsteak tomatoes, and it looks like I've taken huge bites out of them. It's like an alien the size of me has landed and munched. These are not rabbit nibbles.

    Don't believe for a minute "J" that Ted hasn't drained the main vein all over this yard.

  6. Could it be Bambi instead of Thumper?!?!?

  7. Man... I need for Farmer Chele to hook me up with a haircut! (She cuts my hair.) I think that she does a great job even though she's a Lit. Major....as opposed to a cosmetology major. Wait a sec..... You can't MAJOR in cosmetology can you? Fuck if I know. I have a pet peeve; I'll fill ya in on it. Men that use hair gel.....

    As you can see from the pics... I don't use hair gel.. Actually... I could give two shits how my hair looks. I'm thankful that I have a head full of it and besides... If it gets too crazy, I can throw on a ball cap; But to use hair gel?! I just can't see it. To each his own, I suppose. I just can't take a guy seriously when he rolls up on me sporting a head full of hair gel... Anyways... You get the drift... I need a haircut. I'll have the Lit. Major whack on my hair as opposed to going to the "Beauty Parlor."

    That's something else that stuffs my bird... A dude at the beauty parlor. Okay.... That's enough of THAT.

    Home Depot.... That's enough of THAT too. Again... It's a good thing that we're the richest..... Uh... Never mind.

    So how do ya think that I got rid of the groundhog? That's right. You take a big 'ol piss down the groundhog hole and they get the picture, QUICK like. Every now and again we'll see a groundhog but it's always in the neighbor's yard.... Everything else is in OUR yard.... Rabbits... Skunks... Deer... and who knows what else. Ah the joys of living next to the wildlife preserve. SNAKES. Fuckin' snakes too. (I hate snakes.) They give me the creeps. I always hear shit like.... "Ah.... Snakes get rid of rodents.... They're our friends!" I've got news for ya. I'll chop a snake in a fuckin' SECOND. Fuck snakes. I don't even like seeing those bitches in a book.... I'll turn the page real quick. I have a pretty good story of a buddy of mine and his snake, Loa. (Loa the Boa.) Loa's dead... So THAT story had a happy ending. Alright.... Ya talked me in to it... I'll share the story of Lao the Boa but I'm running out of room so...

  8. Loa the Boa.

    This fuckin' snake was the size of your leg.... And Miss Priss had FULL run of the house. You know how snakes can eat.... and then they don't hafta eat for a couple weeks...(Months even.) Anyways.... I'm calling names here.... Gered's snake Loa...LOVED her some Gered. This damn snake would be hangin' out where the fuck ever snakes hang out... and we'd have a bunch of people over sitting around.... Getting stoned... Drunk... Whatever.... And here comes Loa; Slinkin' into the room. I swear to Christ, This snake would raise up her head... Look around and find Gered.... And then slither over to him and sit in his lap... It was some of the creepiest shit I've ever seen. Here's the good part of the story... Loa's demise.

    Short and sweet. You've heard the stories of how "Licking a toad" can lead to bad things.... Or good things... (Suit yourself.) Anyways... Gered decided to feed Loa (The Boa) some random Folly Beach frog that he found in the yard. He put the frog in front of the snake... The frog was like..."Fuck Me!" and froze... The snake struck... and just "THISQUICK" Loa the Boa was dead. I'm talkin' about just in the time that it took me to type that shit... (The "THISQUICK" shit) That snake was dead. Oh well.. No big loss... Fuck snakes. Getting back to the original story...

    The lair is becoming humidity free, thanks to the super bad ass dehumidifier that we scored at Home Depot...

    Lit Majors are hotter than cosmetology grads.

    I need a haircut.

  9. The lair is awesome! Every man needs a cave untouched by a woman = happy man = happy woman. Glad you have a hole to call your own. I have a vague memory of my step dad using human hair to keep deer away, if that's what it is eating your garden. Looks like you have plenty to contribute to the cause. -Anna

  10. Human hair??!!! Tell me more Anna....

  11. I've also heard about putting human hair around the garden. Maybe Farmer Chele could talk her hairdressing god into saving the hair which falls on the floor for her!

    I envisioned the lair to be a dark, cave-like dungeon. Happy to see that it is also a cheerful place for Farmer Ted and the Dragon to hang...lol!

  12. No way Mare.... My lair is like a little apartment! The Dragon likes the cool floor.. (When it's not under fuckin' water.)

  13. google "does human hair repel deer?" It seems many people have tried this one... - Anna

  14. My neighbor used to get hair from her hairdresser when she had a veggie garden. She used to hang it around the perimeter in nylons. I think the deer around here ate through the nylons to get to the hair and then jumped the fence.