Leap Day 2012

Just feeling like we should get this one on the books somehow...because who knows if this blog will be around in 4 years and how lame would it be to NOT post SOMETHING on a gratuitous day if we are still Growdammitting it?  The pressure is getting to me y'all.  And, now here is a random Growdammit Leap Year Commemorative photo...

Feel free to put us on ignore every Leap Year.  Pretty much sums it up.

Inside the mind of a Dragon...

Does Rufus appreciate being spoiled rotten?  New poll is up.

What do you do when a Christmas ornament breaks?

Me?  If they are meaningful, I try to fix them or replace them.  If they are not, I toss them.

I have/had an ornament of a cruise ship.  Can't remember where I got it or why I have it, so this year when it fell off the tree and the back half of it shattered I was going to trash it.

Here's what Farmer Ted did with it...

Hangs it from a lamp like the Titanic going down.

This is of course in the lair.  Sorry for the multiple pictures, but I couldn't decide which one best conveyed the moment.

Happy BirthdayDammit!

It's the blog's birthday.  What a crazy year.

In GrowDammit News:  We haven't started any sprouts yet.  On tap for this weekend are a couple of artichoke and brussel sprout seed starts.  And, we'll pull out Atilla to till up our new garden spot because soon we can sow our lettuces and peas.

We have learned from our mistakes, which isn't to say we won't make more.  But, we will be blogging them.

We tried to get the Keeper of the Garden to pose cheerfully, or at least menacingly, in celebration...

Can barely contain his excitement over it all...

It's been a banner day here...

At GrowDammit HQ.  I'll spare you the gory details of the toe incident, and skip to the fact that I have to tape my toenail down to my bruised toe so I can put it into a shoe.  And to add insult to injury,

I have hard boiled egg yolk stuck to my ceiling.

I was in my bedroom futzing around on the computer with the Dragon snoring on his bed and waiting for Ted to get home from work, when I heard a loud popping noise from downstairs.  It sounded like something had fallen and broken, and the Dragon flew down the stairs.  When he reached the bottom, he started barking and snarling in the general direction of the Family Room...so, I ran and grabbed the Convincer because I was convinced someone was trying to break in through a window and had knocked something over.  The Convincer is the axe handle Ted keeps beside the bed, you know, to convince somebody who has broken in that they made a poor choice.  Like Hurricane looters.  Anyway, the dog gets quiet and all of the sudden more loud noise scared me into locking myself in the bathroom.  I knew Ted was on his way home, so I called him 1st.  And 2nd, and 3rd until he finally answered.  I told him I thought someone *might* be in the house, and the next thing I know he's in the Kitchen with an axe yelling "What the fuck is this shit?"

Why Michele is never allowed to boil anything unsupervised again.

I had put on a pot of eggs, and totally forgotten about them and they exploded.  All over the place.  There was bits of egg and shell all over the counters, everything on the counters, the cabinets - floor to ceiling - the ceiling, the ceiling fan, the floor halfway across the Kitchen.  The house smelled like burned rotten egg farts.

On the plus side, Chef Ted made me Shrimp Etouffee for supper.  And it was yummy.

A bright spot for a sad time...

My Aunt Aileen passed away this morning.  She wasn't my aunt by blood.  Her husband, my Uncle Jack who is also my Godfather, and my father have been best friends ever since they met in Kindergarden.  She didn't die from liver cancer, rather she was in remission from it.  What her body ultimately could not take was all of the aggressive treatments to combat the cancer, and her organs began failing her.  As Ted often says, "Sometimes it's hard to tell the poison from the cure."

I don't post this to find a barrage of people being sorry for my loss.  And while I am very sad, I'm brokenhearted for my Uncle and I'd rather you hold him in your hearts and prayers.  What I am going to do is send him a bouquet of Shasta Daisies.  While some might think that sending him a bouquet of my favorite flowers would be silly and a bit selfish because he has wished all condolences and such be sent in the form of donations to the American Cancer Society, I want to hopefully give him what my Aunt once gave me.  Strength.

The earliest remembrance I have of death and grief was when my Grandmother Marie passed away.  I can't remember exactly how old she was, or how young I was, but I do remember how terrible it was for me, my family and my Grandfather.  I also remember that in the midst of all the condolences and cards and flowers sent to the family, my Aunt sent me a separate, small bouquet of sunny daisies with a note that simply said "A bright spot for a sad time..."  That one simple, beautiful gesture has stayed with me all of this time, and I suspect it is why they are my favorite flower.

I don't know if I ever told my Aunt and Uncle how thoughtful and significant that gesture was, but I am going to print out this blog post and send it to him as well.  I think it's important to be reminded in a time of sadness the beauty the person we mourn brought to the lives of others.

It's like the Sock Monkey is stalking me.

My friend Jody invited me to be on Pinterest which, despite the fact I've only pinned like 10 images (mostly of my kids), is a colossal time sucker.  I have found some cool, crafty ideas and some interesting recipes.  However, I have begun to notice a disturbing trend for people who obviously have way too much time on their hands and are obsessed with a toy that quite frankly never should have been.  Or at least, it never should have been anatomically correct.

Might have won Best Costume if they had been anatomically correct.

Lame Birthday party treats.

Overachiever.

Have to admit that the one on the right is cute.  Okay, so is the one on the left.

Victoria's Secret for your Monkey.

I hope she didn't pay for this.  Or wear it to work.  Unless she works at Toys-R-Us.

Scarred for life.

Her nursery is depicted above.

What did the King do to deserve this?

Destined for the Island of Misfit Toys.

I'll admit this one had me CRYING.

When celebrities lose their minds, and their baby is the only sane one in the group.

 
I feel like this...

I think I need to back away from Pinterest.

My Bad. THIS is why the US Postal Service is going bankrupt...

It's because they care.

Apparently a piece of mail that was supposed to be delivered to us got mangled, and the USPS cares enough to make sure we got our Holiday Greeting Card? No.  Our bill from the phone company?  No.  Our income tax refund?  No.

Our cover page of a catalog that got ripped off.

Seriously.

I guess this kind of care is why they need that extra 3 cents?

P.S.  The price of a stamp goes up by a penny tomorrow.

Next...The Sock Monkey Revisited.  It's scary how much free time some people have to get crafty with it.

A Facebookversary

As best that we can tell, two years ago tomorrow is the date that Farmer Ted and I actually started flirting on Facebook.   You can read about the gory details in this blog post, don't let the Wooly Aphids scare you...that was back when we actually blogged about gardening.

Ted and I went to high school together, and while we remember each other we have no memories of ever actually hanging out.  At first I suppose it was because we had gone to different middle schools.  Then, somewhere in his second sophomore year Ted got "asked to leave."  And in a pre-Facebook world, that was that.  What are the odds we would ever have met up with each other again?

But Facebook changed the odds, and here we are.  A couple.  Raising spawn, spoiling a dragon, sometimes we plant stuff and cook it.  Occasionally we go places to amuse ourselves, quite often that place is Facebook where we alternately amuse and alienate our friends.  We blog about it, mostly.

Anyway, I am truly blessed to have this wonderful man in my life.  Thank you Mark Zuckerberg.

Next...I wrote this today b/c it's my theory that the internet is going to spontaneously combust as millions of people who don't know what to do with themselves w/o Wikipedia for a day run amok.  Also, tomorrow is my youngest sister's bday.  Birthdays trump Facebookversaries, so it really should be all about her.  And, I still have to chastise the USPS.  Again.

It's the thought that counts.

Until your grandmother gives you a soccer calendar...

January

No, you didn't read that wrong.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure that the Plant Whisperer didn't have any idea what the interior of the calendar said when she picked it for her grandspawn.  Instead, we are choosing to believe that she rather meant what was on the cover.

Much better.

Next...The United States Postal Service cares.  They just don't care they are going broke.  Part II.

Camouflage

Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous here in the Phillie burbs.  Ted and I took advantage to do some much needed work in the yard.  While he was in his glory putzing around on the tractor dealing with leaves, I was taking the lights and Christmas decor down.  I must have walked by the rhodadendron/azalea garden about 10 times...

...before I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.  My first thought was that if it was a snake, I was really going to embarrass myself in the front yard.  However, further investigation revealed it was...

...the Dragon.  Taking a stealth nap.

Bedtime's attempt wasn't so successful.

Next...I guess leaving the poll up, even though the voting has ended, isn't going to change the fact that Basil beat Cilantro.  By one vote.  It doesn't matter.  I know what the best herb is.

For luck and for fortune...

Hoppin' John for luck.  Collard greens for fortune.  Pork tenderloin for the half Yankee spawn b/c that's what they do up here north of the Mason Dixon line.

Happy New Year Y'all.  Here's to a peaceful, prosperous and bountiful 2012.

Next...Easter candy already?  *sigh*

And a very Happy Bday to our friend Mare!  We hope you had a beautiful day.

These are a few of his favorite things...

Farmer Ted has proclaimed his two favorite gifts from Christmas are

electric fireplace for the lair and fur hat with ear flaps.

He has proclaimed that he is never taking it off.  The hat that is.

Merry belated Christmas GrowDammit peeps!  We hope y'all had a glorious day filled with peace, fun and family.  And warm, furry hats.

And then I melted.

Okay, so I didn't really melt.  I do think I had a hotflash about an hour ago.  Seriously Menopause?  I'm only 42.

Ted and I were down in the lair shooting the shit, when I totally broke out in a sweat.  Down in the lair, which is about 60 degrees right now.

Ted:  Are you okay?

Me:  I think I'm having a hotflash?  I'm sweating.  Actually, I might be dying.

Ted was so worried that he immediately Googled "hotflash."

Ted:  Sudden feelings of warmth, mostly spreading over your upper body?

Me:  Yes

Ted:  Profuse sweating?

Me:  Gross. Yes

Ted:  Sudden chill as it wears off?

Me:  Not yet because it's not wearing off.  If it weren't raining, I'd go outside and lie down in the driveway.

Ted:  Go stand in the garage.

Me:  I have to go upstairs.

Don't worry, it's all over now.  I think I scared Ted, but only because he is convinced that menopause turns women into raving lunatics.  He hasn't once left the lair to come check on me.

Thanks a lot for the concern Babe.  I promise that I will try not to stab you or anything crazy for the next few years.  I definitely will not go hotflashdancing.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.

My neighbors are being so uncooperative.

Last week I was running errands after work, and lo and behold I saw a grown woman in the food store parking lot who looked like Christmas had vomited on her. She had on the predictable tacky Christmas sweater, green velour sweatpants and red Keds.  Okay, so that ensemble isn't really surprising to see this time of year.  Unfortunately, she of course accessorized.  With a blinking Santa hat.  And a blinking Christmas light earring and necklace set.  The worst part was I couldn't get a picture because I was driving, and almost ran into the person in front of me who probably stopped short  because he wasn't believing what he was seeing either.  I don't think she was my neighbor.  Bless her heart.

Anyway, that inspired me to chronicle on the blog about When Christmas Throws Up.  And, I knew exactly what my first post was going to be.  The neighbors on the street behind me have decorated.  With no less than 4 huge inflatables in their front yard and 4 or 5 in their back yard.  I've been stalking their house trying to get pics.  I even drove out of my way tonight on the way home.  Here's the thing.  They never have them on.  They have sad, sorry pools of melted plastic Frosty, Santa, snowglobes and whatever the hell else just lying in their yard.  All day and all night.  I guess they got their first electric bill.

Next...just say no to net lights.  Especially if they only partially cover the shrub you half-assed threw it on.  It's the height of lazy.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

How blingy and silvery and poofy your branches.

Aluminum Pom-Pom tree with green color wheel or gold, they look the same in pictures.

Blue color wheel.

Red color wheel.

Complete with vintage Shiny-Brite and Jewel-Brite ornaments.  I really, really want the rotating color wheel stand...if anyone was wondering what to get me for Christmas.

And then, we had to bring home the largest real tree we could find.

Ted had to cut at least a foot from the trunk and a foot off of the top so it would fit.  No wonder he refused to watch Christmas Vacation with us.  "Lots of sap."

Don't worry people, Scrooge is coming around.  When Ted and I first reconnected, he didn't celebrate Christmas.  At all.  Now look at him, cutting down trees and turning on the lights before I get home at night.

Enough with the sap.  There's a new poll.  The Herb Finale.

Next...One inflatable lawn ornament is one too many, unless it's this one...

Nothing says Christmas

Like an elf with razor teeth...

drawn by the Eldest Spawn, age 3

Bwaaahaaahaaha.  Art was never his strong suit.

You know what this means people.  The Wannabes have been decorating.  After yesterday's foray out in public to run errands fully reaffirmed for me the fact that I have come to loathe and despise not only most people but this holiday, today's events were needed to put me in a better mood.

C'mon people.  If Christmas makes you want to run red lights, stop signs and over the elderly in a parking lot, then you need to take a break and reassess the reason for the season.  I wish I could realistically stay inside my house for the entire month of December.

Next...That's right, I have an aluminum pom-pom Christmas tree and it is righteous.

Errr...About That Thanksgiving Food Porn...

There isn't any.  Sorry Mare.  We didn't take any pictures.  I'm not sure what happened, but here is my best reenactment.

Breakfast:  NYC bagels (courtesy of the bro and his family), Mickey Mouse Waffles and Bacon.

Appetizers:  Ted's crab dip, my deviled eggs and some roasted asparagus.

Lunch:  Ted's crab bisque.

Supper:  Turkey, mashed po's, gravy, oyster cornbread stuffing, mac-n-cheese, green bean casserole,  sweet potato casserole, ginger ale glazed carrots, beer braised brussel sprouts with bacon and caraway, canned cranberry sauce and rolls.

Dessert:  Cheesecake, cannolis and eclairs.

It was a feeding frenzy.  All day.  And not one picture.

I can offer you a picture of the nasty burn on my hand from touching the top element of the oven while basting the bird if you want.  But, that's not really food porn so to make it up to you...

Oyster Cornbread Stuffing

3 boxes Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix (prepared, cooled and cut into cubes)
1 bunch carrots, 1 bunch celery, 1 large onion and 1 large red bell pepper (sauteed until soft, then finely minced in a food processor)
3-4 pints shucked oysters (check for shell fragments, reserve liquor)
3-4 eggs (lightly beaten)
1/2 c to 1c heavy cream (enough to make it all come together when mixing)
*  You can add cooked sausage if you want.

Hand mix in a bowl, adding oyster liquor to taste based on how oystery you want it (reduce amount of cream you use to avoid mixture becoming too liquid).  Spread in a casserole.  Bake in a 350 oven 30-40 minutes until set.

I'm having a food coma reliving it.  The next day saw us making Leftover Casserole for sandwiches, and generally making disgusting pigs of ourselves all over again.  And then there was none.

Next...New Herb Smackdown Poll people.  We're in the final stretch.

A New York State of Mind

This past weekend the eldest spawn and I made an impromptu overnight trip to the Big Apple. The youngest spawn stayed behind to hang out with his Dad. Farmer Ted stayed behind because he had to work. (I know, sad face. :(

We packed light, and I didn't take any cameras because Ted is the only person who has bothered to learn how to use the expensive ass camera. I did take a few shots with my iPhone and was pleasantly surprised by this one taken from Bryant Park and purtied up with Instagram...

I was too busy being Mom of the Year and dragging my child, who had sustained a concussion on Friday and who really should have been on complete cognitive bed rest come to find out, all over Manhattan to take any other pics.  Don't judge me, you would've done the same thing for the best slice of pizza on the planet.  Probably.  Either that or a fake Gucci bag.  Pick your poison.

Next...We need to get back to the Herb Smackdown.  Ted has downloaded the iSamJackson app on his phone because it's like having Tourettes Sam Jackson in your pocket, or over your car speakers.

Security

Ted and I were in the checkout line at the food store the other day talking about Thanksgiving Day plans. We were minding our own business, having this totally harmless conversation…

Me: We need a cornucopia.


Ted: I could wear it on my head.


Me: Just like that chick who used to wear the fruit basket on her head. What was her name?


Ted: Not Rita Moreno.


Me: Not Lola Folana.


Ted: It was Carmen Miranda.


Me: Dude, you could be the Carmen Miranda of Thanksgiving.

And the next thing I knew, Ted is hissing at the lady in front of us in line.

Me: What? Why are you hissing?


Ted: Because that old hag just told the cashier to call security.


Me: On who?


Ted: On me. That’s who.


Me: That’s ridiculous. You aren’t even pretending to have Tourettes today. And, you didn’t start hissing until they threatened to call security. And, OH…your electronic cigarette. They think you are smoking in the store. 

About a week ago Ted started smoking these electronic cigarettes. They still have nicotine, but the smoke is actually water vapor. Much better on the lungs. They wanted to throw him in jail for trying to be healthier. It turns out Ted wasn’t actually hissing at them, so much as blowing fake smoke at them just daring them to call someone.  And in the end, they didn’t and we checked out instead of having to call someone for bail money.

Our conversation turned back to important Turkey Day matters involving a deep philosophical discussion about history , and Thanksgiving porn. We wondered how true to life the movie Pocahotass actually was.

Next…There is sure to be a food coma in my future.  More than likely in the Dragon's future too.